Sink Hole

He stood by the kitchen sink, washing his hands before starting to prepare his gourmet dinner of beans on toast.
There was a low rumbling sound and the kitchen began to shake.
"What the...?"
The lino peeled back and the floor opened up. The entire kitchen disappearing into an abyss-like hole, taking the man and the sink with it.

Bike Ride

Every single time she rode her bike anywhere she was thankful she didn't get killed.
Cars would pull out or turn in right in front of her, forcing her to brake and swerve. Some motorists either didn't see her or didn't care and she'd been forced off the road many times.
But now the advantage would be in her favour.
She stood in her garage admiring the new bracket she'd attached to the bike's handlebars, a bracket upon which a gun could be mounted.

Late for Work

He left the house, slice of toast clamped between his teeth, and speed-walked up the garden path as he attempted to tie his tie with marmalade-splattered hands.
On to the pavement and he glanced at his watch. He was seven minutes later than normal, but he might still make the train.
As he passed the parade of shops he checked again. He was only five minutes late now. He was going to make it.
The tile from the roof of the newsagent's fell and hit him on the head, making him very late indeed.

Drunken Midnight Snack

He tripped two stairs down and ended up performing an ad hoc routine of somersaults that would have impressed a panel of Olympic judges.
Sadly it was less impressive for the clothes airer at the bottom of the stairs, which was reduced to kindling upon contact.
He stood and staggered into the kitchen, completely uninjured and completely unaware of the burglar he was about to interrupt.

The Bear

He remembered the advice he'd been given: stand still if a bear approaches you.
Yes, but it was approaching at great speed.
He stood absolutely still as the beast bounded over the field towards him. It got closer and closer until he could smell its breath and look right into its eyes.
It was too close now for him to make a run for it.
He peed himself and closed his eyes, expecting to be mauled to death.
It felt like he'd been hit by a train. He opened his eyes and looked around him.
The bear was heading down towards  the village, the pie factory its likely destination.

Dinosaurs Will Die

"What are you doing?" asked the brontosaurus.
The stegosaurus turned to look at it, a cigarette hanging from its mouth.
"I'm sawing the pipes off the back of this fridge. What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Don't you think that's bad for the environment?"
"The environment? Who gives a shit about that?"
The stegosaurus stopped sawing and grabbed a can of deodorant from the table. It sprayed under each arm.
"You're ridiculous," said the brontosaurus. "You just don't care about the consequences."
The brontosaurus left, passing the huge pile of burning tyres in the stegosaurus' garden. It got into its electric car, which was parked behind the stegosaurus' gas-guzzler, and drove away at speed.
The meteor drew closer.

Assembly

"Good morning, children," the headmaster announced from the front of the hall.
"Good morning, Mr Fraser," the children replied, in an eerie, united monotone.
The headmaster began talking about the week ahead and various school activities, but two rows from the back of the hall there was a situation developing.
"Have you farted?" whispered Dave.
"No!" whispered Barry.
There was an awful smell and it smelled like a fart. Everyone in that area of the hall looked around them, hoping to identify the guffing culprit.
They didn't notice their teacher who was sitting on a chair next to their row. He had passed away quite quietly during one of the hymns and had evacuated himself for everyone's olfactory pleasure.