Escape part three

This was ridiculous.
He was back in the field where he had originally stood. The warriors were advancing up the hill away from him, but it was only a matter of time before they saw him.
He ran towards the woods on the opposite side of the field. He needed time to figure out what to do.

Escape part two

The warriors scratched their heads, both literally and figuratively.
Where had he gone?
On a hill above them the man now stood looking down on them. He was equally baffled. The watch was meant to move him through time, not space.
He pressed the buttons on his watch once more and there was a blinding flash of light before he vanished.
The warriors looked up at the hill having seen the flash and began to climb it.

Escape part one

The warriors were advancing towards him from all sides. There wasn't long left.
He rolled up his sleeve and pressed the two buttons on his watch simultaneously.
There was a blinding flash and he disappeared.

Back in the Saddle

It was always tough after a three-day weekend. 72 hours of couch-surfing and excessive drinking went nowhere and now it was time to return to reality.
He rolled his bike out of the shed and swung a leg over it. He closed and locked the shed and began to cycle down the alley behind his house. The cobbles made the bike's frame and his frame shake violently and he was feeling too fragile for it. He stopped and vomited.
Monday had come a day later than usual, but it was still definitely a Monday.

Car Boot Sale

"Unwanted shit for sale. Get your unwanted shit here."
Nobody wanted most of it.
Landfill beckoned.

Sunday, Hoodie Sunday

Everyone started later.
There was no point meeting at McDonald's at 8:30 when nothing else opened until 10.
It was a short shift, only 6 hours, but it was important that they hung around outside the shopping centre and looked menacing.

Suspense

He was lucky to still be alive following the crash and he'd made it out of the car in the nick of time before it exploded.
Now he needed to get out of there before they turned up. They'd soon realise he wasn't killed in the crash and they'd come looking for him.
He started to jog to the west. He could hear a helicopter approaching in the distance.

Cooking

She was making the cake along with the TV chef. She imagined millions of people all across the country were doing exactly the same thing at that moment.
"Add the cinnamon and the nutmeg," said the man with the creased forehead on her TV screen.
She looked back and forth across the worktop where her ingredients were assembled. Neither were there. She picked up a piece of paper that was next to them and scrutinised it.
"But they weren't on the ingredients list," the woman protested to the television.
"I bet you're all saying 'but they weren't on the ingredients list' and you'll be right."
"What are you playing at?"
"I like to mix it up a bit. A real chef doesn't follow set recipes and none of you are ever going to be real chefs."
"What a shit he is," said the woman and turned off the TV.

Running

His foot slapped into a puddle, sending a jet of water up his leg and soaking his tracksuit.
He hated running in the wet, but if he was seriously considering the half-marathon next month he couldn't skip a day because of the weather.
He continued through the park. There was a large, dark shape on the grass.
He stopped running and approached the shape with caution. It appeared to be a person.
He reached down and touched the shape/person.

Customer Service

"Press 1 if you have an account query. Press 2 to change your payment details. Press 3 to cancel your account. Press 4 to speak to an advisor. Press 5 to hear these options again."
She pressed 4.
The same speech was repeated.
She pressed 4 again.
The speech was repeated again.
Were the options wrong?
She pressed 5.
The speech was played once more.
She pressed 1.
The speech...
She hung up.
Her phone rang.
She picked up the receiver: "Hello?"
"Press 1 if you have an account query..."

Fairground

The ferris wheel was their favourite. They'd gone on one exactly like this on their first date nearly fifteen years ago.
The only problem was the near-constant stopping and starting to let people on or off.
The carriages swayed in the wind.
They sat there for five minutes and still there was no movement.
Five more minutes passed.
They looked down across the fairground as all the lights were turned out and both of them shouted into the wind.

Distraction

"Stop!"
There was no point in shouting that after the robber. They were never going to stop and nobody was going to stop them.
The shopkeeper stood and stared up the street, watching the teenager who had so brazenly ran out of his shop with two tins of beans become smaller and smaller.
Inside the shop another teenager filled his rucksack with notes from the till.

Beach

It was a nice evening and as he sat and watched the sun sink beyond the horizon he decided to spend the night on the beach.
He stretched out and put a rolled up raincoat beneath his head as a pillow.
He closed his eyes and within seconds he was asleep.
When he woke up he felt like he was floating. He was floating.
He looked around and he was surrounded by water. There was no land in sight.

On the Loose

The storm had been worse than predicted and the people had returned to their homes. Now everyone had been ordered to stay indoors due to the mass escape from the zoo.
Don paid no attention to this warning and reclined his sunbed on the patio, got comfortable and dozed off.
He was woken by his dog kicking his face an hour later.
This was peculiar as he didn't have a dog.
As he became more awake he saw that the dog was in fact a cat. A big cat. The biggest of cats.
Don peed himself as the lion's coarse tongue drew blood from his chest.

Early

Woken by the birds an hour before the scheduled alarm clock call, his day didn't start well.
Now he was going to be tired and irritable all day. Or was he?
He cancelled everything and went back to sleep.

Text

C U l8r.
He pressed send.
He hated communicating in this way, but it was the only way to talk to his teenage daughter.
The phone vibrated in his hand. He had a new message.
It was a series of small pictures.
He had no idea what it was supposed to say, but sent a smiley face back to her.
He hated his life.

Straight Ahead

"In 500 yards, turn right on to Market Street."
He loved his satnav. It completely eliminated the need to read maps or memorise the route you needed to drive. This freed up valuable brain space to remember the score in every match his team had ever played and the full cast list to all the Star Wars films.
"Turn right."
He turned right.
"Continue straight ahead."
He did as he was told, jumping a red light and causing another motorist to break and lean on her horn. He was oblivious to this.
"Continue straight ahead."
He followed the instructions and crashed through a fence, drove down an embankment and came to rest in a stream.
"Continue straight ahead."

Old Joke

The chicken stood at the roadside. It looked right, then left, then right again.
It stepped out on to the asphalt and walked across to the other side.
I did it! thought the chicken.
But now the chicken was on the other side of the road and all its friends were still on the opposite side. They wouldn't follow because they were scared.
The chicken lifted a wing to wave the others to follow, but they weren't interested.
This sucks, thought the chicken.

Indecent Proposal

"I'll give you a fiver."
The woman turned around and looked at the scruffily-dressed man lurking in the shop doorway.
"Excuse me?"
"I said I'll give you a fiver."
"What for?"
"You know."
"I think I know and I'm absolutely disgusted by the thought of it."
"Why?"
"I'm not going to sleep with you for a fiver. I'm not a cheap prostitute."
"How much then?"
"Ten."

Award

"I'd like to thank everyone who made this possible and I'd just like to say it's an honour even to be considered for this award and to be mentioned in the same sentence as such fantastic actors."
He held the golden statue aloft and the audience clapped politely.
Everyone knew that he didn't deserve it and the whole thing was a fix, but none showed this. They were actors after all.

The Heist

The alarm was sounding and his two friends raced out of the bank, balaclavas still in place and carrying bulging sports bags.
They jumped in the car and slammed the doors.
"Go, go, go!" shouted one of them.
He turned the key in the ignition. Nothing happened.
"Why didn't you keep it running?" fumed the other.
The driver opened his door and got out.
"Where are you going?"
He could be seen on the pavement talking into his phone. He got back in.
"RAC will be here within half an hour," he said.

Autocorrect Nightmare

He dialled the number and it was answered on the third ring.
"Hello, Generic Employment Associates. How can I help you today?"
"Can I speak to your bus?"
"My bus?"
"I mean bus. For duck's sake. Bus. Err. Your manager."
"Oh, OK. Can I take your name?"
"It's Nail."
"Nail? As in the things you smack into a piece of wood with a hammer?"
"No, Nail. Shirt. I'll spell it. N, E, I, L."
"Neil, OK. And what is this call regarding?"
"Well I'm quite pussed off about the job you got me at the biker's. The hours are terrible and the condiments even worse. Also the pay is below mineral wag and it's not assertable."
"Biker's?"
"You know, making broad and Cokes."
"I have no idea what you mean."
"I'm sock of you counts."
He hung up.

Locals

"Help me!" he shouted as he threw the door open, out of breath with his face covered in fresh blood.
The drinkers inside paid him no attention.
"They're after me!" the man continued as he entered.
The drinkers drank and read their newspapers, or did anything they possibly could to avoid eye contact with the man.
"You want a drink?" the barman asked.
"No, I need help. Phone the police!"
"If you don't want a drink I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Cars

The car alarm was going off again.
She grabbed the keys from the table and went outside.
It wasn't her alarm, it was the neighbour's car.
She walked back up the driveway. Another car alarm began to sound, And another. And another.
She turned back around and walked towards the road. Every single car in the street was emitting an annoying sound and had flashing indicators and headlights.
Her own car sat silently.
There was a low humming noise in the distance which grew louder.
And then it appeared in the sky.

Slot Machine

He put in a pound coin and pressed start.
The reels span as he watched. They showed no sign of stopping. They span faster and faster and heat radiated from the front of the fruit machine.
He started to feel nauseous.
The reels continued to spin and a loud whirring sound came from the machine.
His eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed, unconscious.
The reels span on.

The Code

The door was locked and there was a keypad next to it.
He'd been given the code and typed it in.
The pad glowed red and emitted a low beep.
He tried the code again and the reult was the same.
He looked at the piece of paper on which the code was written. He'd seemingly entered it correctly, but the 1 looked like it could be a 7.
He tried again, but with a 7 instead of the 1.
The corridor lit up red and a loud klaxon sounded.
A cage dropped from the ceiling and trapped him.
He wasn't going to make it to the toilet.

Epic

"That's epic!" he yelled as he opened the present.
Epic? It wasn't fucking epic, it was just a toy. Admittedly it was a toy which had cost a lot more than it should have, but it was what he wanted more than anyything else in the whole world.
What is it with kids these days and their misuse of language? They literally make my blood boil.

Chance

The dice were rolled and he theatrically tapped his metal car on the board as he advanced, landing on the Community Chest between his hotels.
"Tax error in my favour!" he laughed. "£200!"
The card was put at the bottom of the pack and he helped himself to the money from the bank. It was the fifth time he'd had that card during the game and I was sure he had taken more than £200 on at least two of the occasions.
I rolled the dice. Shit, it was Mayfair. He only had two houses on it, but it was still going to be costly. I handed him £600 which he made a huge show of checking before adding it to his pile of cash.
He picked up the dice and hurled them over the board. 5. That would take him to Chance.
He tapped the car around the board and picked a card.
"I hope it's fucking street repairs, you little shit," I told him.
My eight-year-old son burst into tears.

Mistaken Identity

Looking out of the window and seeing the magnificent tower, I smiled as I looked forward to the continental breakfast, a walk along the Champs, maybe a trip to the Louvre later. It was going to be a fantastic holiday.
I stepped on to the street and saw the litter strewn everywhere and the early morning drinkers cracking open their cans of breakfast.
That tower wasn't the old Tour Eiffel at all.
I lit a cigarette and waited for a tram to get me out of there.

Walking

It would be easy and it would save a few pounds of bus fare. This is what he thought three hours ago when he set off walking.
Now he was in the middle of nowhere, without a map and with no possibility of catching the only bus of the day which had already passed him.
He would have to increase his pace if he wanted to make it by sunset.
In the distance thunder rumbled like a slow clap.

Predictive

I am not sure if this is a bit of a problem. I have been made to order a brochure. I have a good idea.
I think it would be great if we can help with this.
The only way to get the most important thing is to provide a reference to the top of the most popular iPhone.
This story on the phone is always a pleasure.

Printer

He pressed PRINT.
Nothing.
He checked the printer was switched on. It was.
He pressed PRINT again.
ERROR.
What?
He checked the printer was properly conected to the PC. It was.
He pressed PRINT once more.
ERROR.
He checked that the paper was inserted correctly and that there was nothing jammed in the machine. Everything was fine.
He pressed PRINT yet again.
I CAN'T PRINT DUE TO AN ERROR. WHAT PART OF THIS DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
He was all out of ideas and so just pressed PRINT for the hell of it.
STOP PRESSING PRINT, YOU NUMB-HEADED FUCK.
He left the room and decided to get his document printed at the library. It would cost him 20p, but at least their computers wouldn't be rude to him.
As he locked the front door his printer spat out five copies of his document.