Gift

"Here, have this horse," said the man.
"Why, thank you very much," said the other man.
He walked up to it and looked inside its mouth.
"Woah! What are you doing?"
"I'm looking in its mouth."
"But what about the saying?"
"What saying?"
"You know, the one that says that you shouldn't do that."
"What nonsense."
The man picked up a plank of wood and smacked the other man across the back of the head with it.

Team Talk

"That performance was shambolic," said the manager. "You should all be thoroughly ashamed with yourselves."
The players all stared at the floor, embarrassed by the first half which saw them on the brink of a huge defeat.
"I'm going to leave you to think about this for a while."
The manager left the room and locked the door.
There was a hiss of gas.

Taxi

"Where to, guv?" asked the taxi driver as the door closed.
"I want to go to the edge of the world," said the man in black.
"Be more specific."
"A place where the dead walk and fires burn. A place where you can hear the screams long into the night. A place where chaos reigns and society is lawless."
"Acton, then?"
The man nodded as the taxi pulled into traffic.

Quick

She opened the front door.
The world was gone.

Penalty

He stood and looked at the goal. It somehow looked smaller than usual and the goalkeeper suddenly looked like a giant.
He placed the ball on the spot and took five paces backwards.
The crowd roared louder and louder. The ground began to shake.
A crack appeared across the pitch in front of him. It widened and the goalkeeper, unable to react quickly enough, fell into it, screaming. His scream became quieter.
He looked at the referee who shrugged and blew his whistle.
He chipped the ball easily into the empty goal.

Britpub

"Pint of lager, please."
"We don't sell that anymore."
"Why not?"
"It's foreign."
"What? They make it in London."
"That's as maybe, but the concept of lager is German."
The man sighed.
"What have you got?"
"Guinness."
The man turned around, walked out and went to the other pub.

Longpig

The pan was sizzling and he threw the steak into it. Fat splashed in every which direction as the meat crackled with approval.
One minute and he turned it over. He like it rare.
One minute on the other side and then he used a pair of tongs to lift it on to the plate of chips which stood on the worktop next to the cooker.
He sat at the kitchen table and cut into the steak. Blood ran from it.
He looked at the photo of his recently deceased wife on the wall and smiled as he ate part of her thigh.