I was in t' army. I know I'm not in right good shape now, but I used to be.
They used to attach a rope round our waists with a tractor tyre attached when we were swimming. That's how good we all were physically.
Anyway, one night I'd been out on t' piss with me mates and when we got back one of t' lads had tried to top himself.
He'd slashed his wrists in t' shower room. He'd done it all wrong - acrossways, like.
I had to clean it all up. It were a right mess.
Anyway I told him how to do it properly.
I said to t' bloke: "You need to cut up your arms, with the veins. And you should do it in a warm bath. You'll just drift away. Totally painless."
I don't know if it's true, but I was thinking it would be easier to clean up. For me, like. All I'd need to do would be to pull t' plug.
He weren't best pleased when I told him.
Some people are so bloody ungrateful.
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