The One Where They All Die

"We come into this coffee shop every single day," said the one with the slicked back hair.
"Could we be drinking any more coffee?" quipped the funny one who wasn't funny.
All six of them sipped their drinks while the bleach-haired sexual predator leered at one of the women from behind the counter.
The meteor plunged straight through the roof of the building, ending any potential for the coffee shop scene to develop into a comedic situation.

Survival of the Fittest

She looked out of the window, wondering when it was going to happen.
After a couple of minutes the sky turned green.
She put on her mask and headed for the shelter in the basement.

Confession

"I did it."
"You did what?"
"You know, that thing?"
"What thing? I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Wait, is this 251651?"
"No, it's 251652."
He slammed down the receiver and redialled.

Old Joke

"Look! We're about to find out once and for all!"
He pointed at the crossing. A chicken was standing there.
"You mean it's actually going to cross the road?"
Both boys were very excited as if they were somehow about to unlock the secret to the universe.
The cars stopped and the green man lit up with an accompanying beeping noise. The chicken slowly began to cross the road.
The boys didn't see the car mount the kerb until it was too late.

Alarm Clock

He had slept in once too often, the alarm on his phone being all too easy to turn off before he woke up properly.
A colleague recommended a new alarm clock to him.
"It guarantees that you'll never sleep in again," he had said.
He took it out of the box and placed it on his bedside table. It looked just like any other alarm clock, but he'd give it a go.
At 6am the alarm began to sound like a klaxon. He leaned over to switch it off. As soon as he touched it he got a shock, electricity coursing through his body.
The klaxon continued as he convulsed in the bed.

Crying

He had driven all night, just like Roy Orbison in that song.
This was where the similarity ended as The Big O clearly hadn't spent the small hours behind the wheel to do what he was about to do now.
He leaned over and opened the glove box. The gun was still in there.

The Traveller

"Have you ever been to Oxford?"
The man shook his head.
"You should go. Great things happen there."
He paused.
"Have you ever been to Brighton?"
The man shook his head once more.
"You should go. Great things happen there."
He paused again.
"Have you ever been to Chester?"
The man shook his head.
"You should go. Great things happen there."
He paused once more.
"Have you ever been to Tadcaster?"
The man shook his head again.
"Don't bother, it's fucking shit."