Preacher

"God will forgive you though, sinner. It's not too late to save yourself."
How had he ended up watching this rubbish? The Religion Channel wasn't one of his favourites, that was for sure, but here he sat, glued to it.
"All you need is this." The TV evangelist held up a bible. "And this." He held up a credit card.
The man watching chuckled.
"Just £500 buys you a place in heaven. Hurry as this one-time offer won't last long."
He picked up the phone and dialled the number on the screen.
"Heaven Awaits. How can I help you?" a voice at the other end asked.
"Oh, hello. I'd like to buy my place in heaven please."
He gave his credit card details as instructed.
"Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No that's it thanks. I'm in now."
He took his gun from the table next to his chair and blew his brains up the sideboard.