The Pedant

The man waited in a queue in the busy lobby of the cinema. He still believed in buying his snacks there and not sneaking in cheaper alternatives from the nearby supermarket as so many others did.

His turn came.

“Can I help you, sir?” smiled the assistant.

“Yes, what kinds of candy do you have?” asked the man.

“Firstly, it’s which kinds. And secondly, it’s not called candy. This isn’t America. We call them sweets here.”

“Ok. Which kinds of sweets do you have?”

“They’re all on display. You can see them quite clearly.”

The man sighed. “There’s not much choice. You have less things than the shop down the road.

“Fewer.”

“Excuse me?”

“We don’t have less, we have fewer.”

“Whatever. Can I get some of those mints?”

“You can have some of the mints, yes.”

The assistant passed the man a bag of mints. The man looked in his wallet only to find it was empty.

“Oh, I appear to have run out of money. Is there an ATM machine nearby?”

“ATM machine?”

“Yes, you know, to withdraw some cash.”

“So you want an automated telling machine machine, do you?”

“I…”

“I’ve had enough of you. Go away!”

The man was shocked.

“NEXT!” boomed the assistant.