Train

"Tickets please."
The conductor entered the carriage and as soon as the words escaped his mouth he noticed the woman at the far end flee in panic. The door swished open and she raced down the aisle of the next carriage.
He knew it was unlikely she had a valid ticket as he watched her advance a further two carriages.
He scrutinised every ticket and pass he was presented with. Everything was in order. Nobody asked him any ridiculous questions - the best one ever was still the time just outside King's Cross that an elderly couple had demanded to know the ticket prices and showtimes of a show in the West End that night.
Eventually he reached the final carriage. The woman who had fled was at the far end, attempting to stay out of sight and failing.
"Tickets please."
The woman opened her handbag and went through what the conductor knew to be a fake I-can't-find-my-ticket routine. It would end with her pulling a face and saying something like "oh, I must have left it in the machine; I was in quite a hurry". He'd seen enough fare-dodgers in his time.
The woman presented him with a ticket, much to his surprise.
A quick inspection showed it was an old one and he looked up from it just in time to get a faceful of pepper spray.
The woman stood and pushed him onto the seats on the opposite side of the aisle before setting off running to the other end of the train.
The conductor screamed and rubbed his eyes as the train began to slow. They were almost there and the woman would escape. The only hope was that the CCTV on the train actually worked.
"Excuse me," a man said to him as tears streamed down his face. "What time does London Zoo close today?"