Dear Sir,
I am writing to complain about the article you included in your publication last week about me. While I appreciate that you have a tight deadline and that sometimes your journalists might get facts wrong, I cannot forgive you for misrepresenting me and making me a laughing stock locally. It might seem like a trivial matter, but I feel I cannot let it slide.
You claimed that I have killed seventeen people in cold blood, but the true figure is actually eighteen. At the time of writing, anyway.
You will notice that a small amount of powder fell out of the envelope when you opened it. I'd be surprised if you even managed to read this far before you passed out, to be honest.
Anyway, the figure is probably now nineteen.
Yours sincerely,
D. Jefferies
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